Monday, 2 March 2015

d30. What's in the trunk,bub?

‘Mister state trooper, please don't stop me
Please don't stop me, please don't stop me…’
Bruce Springsteen

For a slightly more ‘modern’ version of Gangbusters.

‘You didn’t mean for your driver to get clipped. Not your fault. How you were you supposed to know he was going to get high right before the job? It was supposed to be simple. Now it’s anything but. You didn’t think you were going to make it on foot. Thank the gods of felonious behaviour she came round the corner when she did. 80 if she was a day, and not a clue what was going on. Now that you think about it, she did give you a rather peculiar smile when you drove away with her car. Who cares? Now you’ve got your gun, the goods, and a fairly decent getaway car. Smooth sailing…wait…what? Cops? Oh man, now what? Busted taillight? Can you believe that crap?’

1.   Nothing of interest. Just a spare tyre.

2. A black beret, fake mustache, toy gun, and a bag of cash

3. A shovel with freshly turned dirt on it. Also, bits of hair, skin, and bone stuck to the handle

4. A sports bag full of stolen pistols.

5. Hidden in the tyre well. Two bricks of uncut heroin.

6. A toe. Resplendent with bright red nail polish.

7. A huge pizza. Half Salami. Half Anchovy.

8. A basket full of freshly baked muffins.

9. A few hundred stolen cell phones.

10. Several jugs of moonshine.

11. Cartons of cigarettes without tax stickers.

12. A box of kittens.

13. Vials containing a strange glowing substance of unknown origin.

14. Files full of stolen credit card details.

15. A fishing rod, a box of tackle, a picnic basket, and several sticks of very unstable dynamite.

16. A Louisville Slugger covered in blood and teeth.

17. A knitting basket.

18. A knitting basket with 100k’s worth of counterfeit money beneath the wool

19. A pocket of oranges concealing a sawn-off shotgun.

20. Boxes of stolen library books going back to the late 1950’s.

21. A body wrapped in a shower curtain and a bucket of lime.

22. A statue of a weeping angel.

23. Thirty counterfeit Rolex watches.

24. Torn pages and photos from Project Bluebook.

25. An out of state road map with red X’s scattered up and down the highways.

26. A piece of shiny weather balloon type material.

27. A small black book written in a strange code but the front page contains the President’s private cell phone number.

28. Two kilos of Bolivian Bingo Dust.

29. A tube containing stolen Impressionist artwork.

30. A small bag of conflict diamonds.

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