Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Bad Blades. They hate you.

‘Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, f#*k-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. S*^t 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.’
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

I’ve worked with knives for most of my life. Filleters, flayers, carvers, cleavers, and of course, the humble butter knife. I’ve also used band saws for breaking down bits and bobs. At home I use Wusthoffs. I’ve collected my fair share of nicks and cuts over the years, some deep, some not so. I always treat knife-work with respect as I’ve seen too many hungover guys/gals not paying attention, and whoops! That’s gonna hurt… Recently my wife bought a yellow handled bread knife. Nothing to it, innocuous, sharp, cuts bread, and yet I have never had so many cuts from one blade in my life!
 It bites.
 It hates me.
 It’s out to get me.
 I swear it waits for me to get home, then lurks like a shark at the bottom of the sink when I’m doing the dishes. It’s never where I left it either. I’ve dubbed it ‘Christine’, and now I refuse to use it, or even wash it, and maybe that’s pissing it off even more, who knows? Maybe I’ll wake up one morning and it will be lying on my bedside table, with the sun glinting gently off its razor sharp edge, before it attacks.
Well, all this got me thinking about swords and such, and how they are all mostly vs a creature type. So I came up with these instead, to be used against your players. These blades are chaotic in nature. They may be overpowered, so maybe the special abilities only kick-in when the enemy rolls a natural 20, or you can give the player a saving throw if the attack is a success.


Shield Breaker/Shatter Sword/Nut Cracker: Choose one. 40% chance it will shatter shield/sword/ helm. For every + the item has, drop its chances of being broken by 10%. Items of +4 or more are immune. Can attempt to do this 1d4+1 times per day.

The Real Bastard Sword: Does all of the above!

The Squire: So named because it takes your armour off, piece by piece. A successful hit increases your AC by 1 until you are unarmoured. Only then will it begin to deal damage to the player. Armour is not necessarily broken either, it cuts at straps and clasps etc.

Hand Taker: Good against tricksy thieves. A natural 20 followed by a roll of 1 on a d6 and the thief loses a hand. Picking locks just got way harder.

Oath Breaker/Sin Maker: Temporarily severs the oath and fealty between a cleric and their god. Renders the cleric unable to cast any spells/use their symbol, until dawn of the following day, and only then if the cleric has made a suitable sacrifice or paid a handsome tithe.

Scroll Killer: Sets fire to a random scroll the player may have. 20% chance the others may ignite as well.

Charge Drainer: Good against wands/staffs/rods. Each successful hit may (40%) drain a charge from the above.

Spell Slayer: Players loses one random spell they would have known for the day.

Rot Blade: Causes 1d8 damage of permanent rot damage. Can only be undone point by point (so one cure disease cure a single point) and only by a cleric of 10th level or higher.

Blast Blade: When it hits, the blade stays in the body and will explode for 1d12 points of damage 1d4 rounds later. Can be stopped by dispelling the magic.

Drunken Master: If it draws blood it renders the player drunk and they fight at -4 for the rest of the day.

The Kebab Stick: Skewers the player and cannot be removed by merely pulling it out. Will have to go about their business with a sword through their gut dealing 2hp per day. Can be removed by a high level mage or cleric.

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