d100. What the Butler saw...

You think you failed your 'listen-at the-door' roll, so what's next? Yup, d100, ' What the Butler saw...'

1. Fairies wearing boots and a little dwarf

2. Four heavily armed guards around a table playing cards

3. A young maiden singing quietly to herself working a loom

4. An old man peering intently into a crystal ball

5. A minotaur using a whetstone to sharpen a mighty axe

6. A robed individual arguing with an imp

7. A magic user measuring out a glowing liquid into potion bottles

8. A melancholy halfling blowing his nose and wiping away his tears with an embroidered handkerchief

9. A bleeding man chained to the wall

10. Another keyhole, then another keyhole, then another keyhole, then another…

11. A cobbler sitting on a milking stool fixing a pair of boots

12. An eerie green gas that takes on the shape of various eldritch horrors before switching to another

13. A hooded torturer putting the screws to someone

14. Can’t see, the light is too bright

15. A captain berating an obviously inebriated soldier

16. An orc playing keep-it-up with a severed head

17. A young princess combing her long lustrous hair

18. A beautiful sunset complete with golden clouds and birds on the wing

19. Two magicians playing a game of skaak/chess

20. Yourself, staring back at you

21. A witch cackling wildly stirring a glowing cauldron

22. A mime trying to get out of a box

23. A young prince practising with his rapier

24. A knight on bended knee before his liege

25. A grey haired man sitting on a huge throne stroking a snow-white cat

26. A ball of lightning ricocheting around the room

27. Nothing at all, the room is pitch dark

28. A Bard tuning his mandolin and warming up his voice

29. A bloodshot eye staring right back at you

30. A suckling pig being turned over a woodfire

31. Two knights in a fight to the death

32. A scraggly haired, bare chested loon, sitting in the corner begging for a cat to play with

33. Two fighters bent over a table moving flags of various colours around

34. A pair of drunken half-orcs slugging it out

35. A kilted bagpiper warming up his instrument

36. An elf snoring loudly with his head on a table full of empty wine bottles

37. Someone’s finger a second before they poke you in the eye

38. A bizarre automaton that’s twisting and turning, emitting shrill bursts of steam

39. A sandy beach with waves rolling in

40. A baker weighing out flour into a huge pair of scales

41. An aviary full of exotic birds with bright plumage

42. A man wearing a crown that’s asleep on a throne

43. A Jester practicing his tumbling

44. An execution by axe

45. A young squire polishing a suit of armour

46. A dancing bear

47. A small boy juggling pots and pans

48. A small two-legged dinosaur in a cage

49. A black robed mage in the process of summoning a demon

50. A dark and twisted forest with a glowing lantern bobbing toward you

51. A menagerie of feathered cats

52. An old man bent over a telescope that’s pointed at the fire

53. A water clock that uses blood instead

54. A shuffle of zombies circling the room

55. An upside down cross over a skull laden altar

56. A well-stocked library containing ‘saucy’ books like, ‘ What the Butler saw’

57. A figure in red sneaking stealthily toward you

58. A gambolling skeleton

59. Nothing but oblong shadows

60. A young lady that’s bound and gagged and tied to a chair

61. Several spear wielding guards performing a slow ceremonial march around a large stone coffin

62. A large monkey perched on a barrel banging two cymbals together

63. A drunken fool reciting terrible poetry at the top of his voice

64. A group of soldiers practising their cut-and-thrust on live hobgoblins chained to pillars

65. Someone holding a loaded crossbow that’s pointing straight at you

66. Twilight-grey storm clouds scudding over an abandoned city

67. A giant marionette hanging forlornly from its strings

68. An elderly statesman rehearsing a speech in front of a full length mirror

69. The princess and the stable boy going at it hammer-and-tongs

70. A huge pile of treasure

71. A clown putting on his makeup

72. Row upon row of desks filled with gnome accountants hard at work

73. A goblin barbershop quartet singing ‘ The Merry Widow’

74. A flesh-dancer practising various shapes

75. A trial being led by a powdered wig wearing balderdash

76. A tapestry depicting someone that looks like you staring through a keyhole

77. A room that’s upside down. All the chairs and tables are on the roof and the chandelier is on the floor

78. A one eyed dwarf sharpening a sword on a wheel-stone

79. A yawning abyss

80. A yawning abscess

81. A fair maiden watering an indoor garden

82. Off in the distance a gigantic Dark Tower

83. An invisible orchestra playing Gygax’s 8th Symphony

84. A map on the opposite wall with a sign that reads, ‘You are here’ thanks, you know who you are ;)

85. Several bodies hanging from the roof on hooks

86. A golden sarcophagus surrounded by lit candles, smouldering incense, and bunches of wild garlic flowers

87. A huge block of ice containing a large ape

88. A religious service being held around a thrashing body that’s tied to an altar in the middle of the room

89. Someone wearing a white sheet with eye-holes cut into it pretending to be a ghost

90. A goose laying a golden duck that lays a golden hen that lays a golden quail that lays a golden coin

91. A stonemason carving your name on a gravestone with today’s date at the bottom

92. Smoke, flashing lights, loud noises, strange smells

93. A young man with wild pointy hair, frantically sewing the head back on a piecemeal body

94. Row upon row of raggedy dolls staring at you with dead black eyes

95. A group of robed individuals sitting around a table playing a game using odd shaped dice, and using even odder sounding voices

96. A sadistic Witchfinder torturing a young fawn

97. A stone obelisk

98. A stone asterisk

99. Smoke. It gets in your eye

100. Just what you were looking for all along