“In a hole in the
ground there lived a fobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends
of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it
to sit down on or to eat: it was a fobbit-hole, and that means comfort.”
“Fobbit \’fä-bit\,
noun. Definition: A U.S. soldier stationed at a Forward Operating Base who
avoids combat by remaining at the base, esp. during Operation Iraqi Freedom
(2003-2011). Pejorative.”
Now, a Fobbit may not be the tip of the spear, the haft, or even
the handle, but make no mistake, they’re worth their weight in gold. Sure you
can hire torchbearers and guides, guards and mules, but a fobbit is where it’s
at. They are so much more than just greengrocers, scribes, quartermasters,
hostelry sweepers, and iron mongers. They are quiet lot, much their like their
cousins that are to be found over the water. They too are connoisseurs of the
finer things in life, like tobacco, ale, and several first-rate meals a day.
Adventures? Gold? Glory? Dragons? Not so much… they tend to be nasty, dangerous
things that make you late for tea. Don’t be put off by the fobbit and his
reticence for high adventure, nay, it is in the rear with the gear that they
really shine.
A fobbit knows things, lots of things. A fobbit also knows
people, lots of people, and when you combine these two things, something
miraculous happens. Having a fobbit in your party (albeit lurking at the back, trying his best not to squeak or die of
fright) gives you access to all relevant and current information wherever
you are, and I mean wherever. So much so, that when a fobbit rolls on any
rumour table, he rolls 1d4 + 2. That alone is fairly handy, but when you
combine it with their innate sense of what is real and what’s horse-crap, a
fobbit can tell you 75% of the time whether any particular rumour is true or
not.
They know how to bargain. When you let a fully, dialled-in,
fobbit loose on a market place, he automatically knows where the goods are, and
not just the usual rubbish they pass off to tourists either, they get you the
good stuff, and they get it cheap. If a fobbit is doing the purchasing for you,
rest assured you will be buying everything at 33% cheaper than the listed
price, and, there is a 5% chance that anything they buy is magical. Need a repeating crossbow that fires silver bolts? Ask the fobbit, they know where all the latest gear is to be had.
Got some merchandise you want to sell? Even if it may be
just a tad, hot? No worries, a fobbit will not only be able to sell the goods,
he can get you 10% more than you would of got having done it yourself, they
also know where all the best ‘fences’ are, so purloined goods won’t raise any
suspicions, or the local guard.
They also know how to stretch a meal. In the capable hands
of a fobbit, iron rations are some seriously gourmet s&%t! Seven days of
rations becomes fourteen in the hands of these little miracle workers. They can
forage the same as any Ranger can, and not just out in the wild, the fobbit
forages in an urban environment as well.
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| Turning this... |
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| Into this! |
Travel pass not up to speed? Fobbits
can forge documents that will stand up to the severest of scrutiny, and if that
doesn’t work, they are a dab hand at blackmail and insinuation. They can find
out the peculiar peccadillos of just about anyone, from the lowest bottle-boy,
to the Huzzar herself.
Now, there a few things that Fobbits are not good at.
Combat, not their strong suit, and if they draw their weapon, you had best
steer clear. They fight at -2 on their ‘to-hit-rolls’, and there is a 30% that
they might actually hit the closest party member. Nor are they as stealthy as
their Hobbit cousins. In fact they generate noise at an alarming rate, and can
be heard coming from miles away. They also require XP more than most. At the
end of an encounter, the Fobbit claims not just his share (even if they didn’t
actually kill anything) but they take an extra 20% of the top.
So, there you go, all this and more for only 100gp a week.
Fobbit!
