Thursday, 28 April 2016

Concerning Fobbits

“In a hole in the ground there lived a fobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a fobbit-hole, and that means comfort.”

“Fobbit \’fä-bit\, noun. Definition: A U.S. soldier stationed at a Forward Operating Base who avoids combat by remaining at the base, esp. during Operation Iraqi Freedom (2003-2011). Pejorative.”

Now, a Fobbit may not be the tip of the spear, the haft, or even the handle, but make no mistake, they’re worth their weight in gold. Sure you can hire torchbearers and guides, guards and mules, but a fobbit is where it’s at. They are so much more than just greengrocers, scribes, quartermasters, hostelry sweepers, and iron mongers. They are quiet lot, much their like their cousins that are to be found over the water. They too are connoisseurs of the finer things in life, like tobacco, ale, and several first-rate meals a day. Adventures? Gold? Glory? Dragons? Not so much… they tend to be nasty, dangerous things that make you late for tea. Don’t be put off by the fobbit and his reticence for high adventure, nay, it is in the rear with the gear that they really shine.

A fobbit knows things, lots of things. A fobbit also knows people, lots of people, and when you combine these two things, something miraculous happens. Having a fobbit in your party (albeit lurking at the back, trying his best not to squeak or die of fright) gives you access to all relevant and current information wherever you are, and I mean wherever. So much so, that when a fobbit rolls on any rumour table, he rolls 1d4 + 2. That alone is fairly handy, but when you combine it with their innate sense of what is real and what’s horse-crap, a fobbit can tell you 75% of the time whether any particular rumour is true or not.

They know how to bargain. When you let a fully, dialled-in, fobbit loose on a market place, he automatically knows where the goods are, and not just the usual rubbish they pass off to tourists either, they get you the good stuff, and they get it cheap. If a fobbit is doing the purchasing for you, rest assured you will be buying everything at 33% cheaper than the listed price, and, there is a 5% chance that anything they buy is magical. Need a repeating crossbow that fires silver bolts? Ask the fobbit, they know where all the latest gear is to be had.

Got some merchandise you want to sell? Even if it may be just a tad, hot? No worries, a fobbit will not only be able to sell the goods, he can get you 10% more than you would of got having done it yourself, they also know where all the best ‘fences’ are, so purloined goods won’t raise any suspicions, or the local guard.

They also know how to stretch a meal. In the capable hands of a fobbit, iron rations are some seriously gourmet s&%t! Seven days of rations becomes fourteen in the hands of these little miracle workers. They can forage the same as any Ranger can, and not just out in the wild, the fobbit forages in an urban environment as well. 

Turning this...

Into this!

Travel pass not up to speed? Fobbits can forge documents that will stand up to the severest of scrutiny, and if that doesn’t work, they are a dab hand at blackmail and insinuation. They can find out the peculiar peccadillos of just about anyone, from the lowest bottle-boy, to the Huzzar herself.

Now, there a few things that Fobbits are not good at. Combat, not their strong suit, and if they draw their weapon, you had best steer clear. They fight at -2 on their ‘to-hit-rolls’, and there is a 30% that they might actually hit the closest party member. Nor are they as stealthy as their Hobbit cousins. In fact they generate noise at an alarming rate, and can be heard coming from miles away. They also require XP more than most. At the end of an encounter, the Fobbit claims not just his share (even if they didn’t actually kill anything) but they take an extra 20% of the top.
So, there you go, all this and more for only 100gp a week. Fobbit!

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