Thursday, 8 January 2015

Things to do in D'Enver when you're Un-Dead

Life gotten you down? Tired of being Turned at every turn? Go west, young Un-Deadling, to D’Enver, where the fun (and the flesh) never stops! D12 places to eat in D’Enver when you’re Un-Dead.

1) Hangout under the floorboards at the Firkin, especially for the nightly gnaw where there’s bound to be a tonne of rib bones falling through the cracks for you to nibble on, plus, you can always snag yourself a drunken customer in one of the alleys outside.

2) The Retired Sailors Home. Not bad, if you don’t mind Rum soaked treats that Smack-of-the-Sea. They’re usually too drunk to put up a good fight, so it’s easy pickings, but they can be a bit toothsome...old age and high seas will do that you.

3) The Cemetery. Not everyone can afford to get buried in D’Enver, that’s only for the Rich. So, if you can evade the guards, you could be suppin’ on royalty and riches! An altogether posher establishment and by far the fanciest, if you don’t mind statues of praying angels watching you eat that is.
4) The Swamp. It’ll do, in a pinch. Alligators, rats as big as dogs, the occasional trapper. Yup, if needs must, the swamps an excellent fall-back location.

5) The Pit. If you like the taste of gladiatorial flesh, then the Pit is the place for you. An illegal gambling hole, where armed combatants fight to the death. You can always pick up a good meal here, just stay out of the torch light, and wait for the organisers to throw the bodies into the dark.  Hey presto! Dinner is served!
6) Shady Pines Retirement Home. Aaah, this is the last stop for those wealthy denizens of D’Enver before they hit the Graveyard. Soft as butter, and really melts in the mouth. Not as tough as the old sailors either, despite their similarities in age. These rich biddies and bastards have never worked a day in their lives! But don’t get too greedy, you don’t want to give the game away.

7) The Paupers Field. Not as easy as it sounds, because all the bodies are burnt, and whatever is left is all mixed together before being dumped in the river to be washed out to sea. Plus, there are always a lot more mourners here than anywhere else. High risk for low reward, you might want to think of somewhere else before you dine here.
8) The Beach. I hear the moonrise is truly something to see, and, there are always young, Star-Crossed lovers down there, in the dunes, just waiting to be snapped up. Aaah, the taste of young love...sublime, there is nothing quite like it.

9) The Warren. If you like your dinner on the move, then this is the place for you. An extremely dangerous part of town that’s filled with nasties and nee’r-do-wells that are out to rob one another. You are guaranteed a little action down here, just hide in the shadows, and BOOM! Fresh Thief...tasty!

10) The Library. It’s open day and night, and packed with studious young things with their noses stuck firmly between the pages of their books. They won’t even see you coming, just haunt the stacks and pick one at your leisure.
11) The Mages College, down in the cellars, not every experiment works out right. This is where they hide the mistakes. If you don’t mind the sharp/tart taste of scorched manna, it’s a great find; no one comes down here apart from the body dumpers.

12) The Sewers. Beggars, down-on-their-luck gamblers, sneak-thieves and roustabouts. They all find themselves down here in the tunnels and crossways beneath the City. Good eating, if not a little, smelly.                                                                 

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