Potions. Let’s face it; they are hardly fine wines are they? It’s not like they are stored in temperature controlled cellars and rotated once a month. Not in the least. They are found in dank and dirty dungeons, amongst the detritus in an orc’s nest or troll den. Then they go in your backpack and get bounced around for who knows how long before you drink them.
And how much do you really know about the dude who made them, anyway? Maybe he is some crackpot psychopath who gets his jollies mixing ogre dung with everything... and when you open a potion, it’s not like it has time to breathe either, is it? No, it’s down the hatch and lets crack on with the killing. We don’t take candy from strangers, so why would we just willingly drink a bottle of strange liquid?
Anyway, for those who want to inject a little peril for quaffing potions I give you 100 potentially perilous /possibly positive, side effects to potions. The premise is that the potions effects have taken place; this is what happens a few seconds after they wear off. They are system neutral and will fit with any game that uses potions; also, how long they last is up to you. Enjoy!
1) You begin seeing double. ‘To-Hit’ penalties apply.
2) You start hearing voices from beyond the grave. Cant concentrate, attack and defensive capabilities diminished
3) Your skin erupts in pus filled blisters and boils. Take 2hp Dmg and wearing armour is extremely painful.
4) Witches dig your mojo and flock to be by your side.
5) Your eyes begin to weep a thick adhesive substance like spider web.
6) Your hands start to behave as if they are not yours. They rifle through your backpack throwing things out. Be thankful they are not trying to strangle you.
7) Vision is blurred by the wings of tiny moths that are darting around your head.
8) You go blind.
9) Nothing happens to you, the effect of the potion happens to everyone else in the party.
10) You decide it’s a pirate’s life for thee and head to the closest harbour town.
11) You begin to dance uncontrollably to the rhythms in your head in a manner some say is called, ‘The Ro-Bot’.
12) You go deaf.
13) You develop a second set of eyelids and have a craving to eat rats and mice.
14) You become cold blooded and need the warmth of the sun to get you going again
15) You go as stiff as a board.
16) Your legs turn to those of a chicken.
17) Your body automatically begins to heal itself whenever damage is done.
18) Your finger nails turn black and fall out.
19) The skin on your face slews off in one bloody heap.
20) Your teeth dislodge themselves from your jaw and fall to the floor. Then proceed to chase each other around.
21) Tongue becomes snakelike.
22) Hair grows out of your ears and eventually covers your entire body.
23) Toes begin to morph together, making it extremely difficult to walk.
24) A pair of gills grows on the sides of your throat.
25) You feel the urge to act out scenes from your favourite nursery rhymes.
26) Your skin becomes see-through.
27) Nothing happens, or so you think, but the potion you drank effects come back on you, same time tomorrow.
28) Your skin becomes bark.
29) You start to sprout another you from your back.
30) You develop super sensitive hearing.
31) You develop a shark’s keen sense of smell.
32) Your tongue turns to oak.
33) Clothes? Who needs them? Get them off and let your freak flag fly.
34) You give off the scent of a fortnightly dead troll.
35) Your eyes glow a baleful red and smoulder.
36) You are unable to lie.
37) Your eyes glow an eldritch green and weep tiny tentacles.
38) You suffer from permanent potion flashback.
39) You have the irresistible urge to gamble everything you have on a whim.
40) Your eyes grow sea-urchin spines.
41) You have the overwhelming urge to punch a snowman in the face.
42) You grow the hood of a spiting cobra.
43) You can read the minds of elves.
44) You discover a portable hole in your chest. Use it wisely.
45) You can understand Dungeon doors. They talk to you.
46) You have the ancestral knowledge of a dwarf.
47) Nothing happens, or so you think, but the potion you drank is twice as strong.
48) Your voice is high pitched and squeaky, and can summon bats.
49) You foam at the mouth, (purple foam) which glows in the dark, and gives you control over all canines.
50) Your skin freezes over and you can shoot icicles from your fingertips.
51) You demand everyone call you ‘Glorious Leader of the Way of the Ember”, and bow to you.
52) You become one with the universe and everything in it. You shall do no harm.
53) Your chest becomes see-through and all your intestines are on display, but they are depicted in the manner of a stained-glass window.
54) You have a bad feeling about this.
55) Angels anoint you as one of their own.
56) You become engulfed in paranoia.
57) Tiny fishhooks sprout from the ends of your hair and begin to pull your body apart.
58) You gain the ability to walk through solid objects, doors, walls, etc.
59) Your skin becomes as hard as iron, and your Armour Class adjusts accordingly.
60) You can leap tall buildings with a single bound.
61) You become rage incarnate and try to destroy everything you see.
62) You can walk on water.
63) You have the overwhelming urge to describe your adventures through interpretive dance.
64) You develop the singing skills of a choir of angels.
65) You develop a hacking cough that won’t go away.
66) You gain the broad back of a buffalo and volunteer to take over load carrying duties.
67) Bone grows out the top of your head to form a crown.
68) You gain the ability to write with your less dominant hand as well as both your feet.
69) You can see into the distance with the clarity and precision of an eagle.
70) You gain the ability to levitate, as per the spell.
71) You have a fine appreciation for the craftsmanship of gnomes and will stop at nothing to procure it.
72) A large fin grows out your back and you gain a second set of teeth in your mouth.
73) You become an inveterate liar.
74) You quadruple in size and your skin turns green.
75) When you speak, it is in the language of bees.
76) You underestimate the power of the dark side.
77) You have an almost pathological hatred of a mystical race called the ‘Kendar’.
78) You feel as if you are a Golden God.
79) Time is irrelevant now. You are of time, and appreciate those who move without it.
80) Nothing happens, or so you think, but the potion you drank lasts twice as long.
81) You can identify the sound of one hand clapping.
82) You can see through walls.
83) Steam starts to pour out your ears.
84) You fear your fingers are working against you, so you try and chop them off to teach them a lesson.
85) You develop an idyllic memory.
86) You develop an eidetic memory.
87) You shape shift into a hamster.
88) Flames erupt from your body but do you know harm.
89) You can see into the future.
90) Demons dig you, and spend the evening whispering the secret sins of others into your ears, driving you slowly mad.
91) Your skin turns yellow, and your nose disappears, but your eyes and mouth turn black.
92) You glow in the dark.
93) You break wind uncontrollably in the most dire of situations
94) You know the secret recipe to Captain Sanderson’s, ‘Unlucky Fried Lizard’.
95) A plague of rats follow you wherever you go.
96) Your grow tiger stripes.
97) You can spit poison.
98) No one can withstand your charms and your oratory skills are legendary.
99) Fortune tellers are unable to read your palm, see your future in a crystal ball, or divine your path with cards. Even when you cross their palms with silver.
100) Mosquitoes befriend you and act as your personal air force.